gwynne wrecked our board again. it was looking so cute. cecilia had chinese all over it and our names and meghan had signed all over it with nice things about us and danielle had rearranged the magnets after gwynnes last attack.
im oovooing with my long lost cruise girls. too bad ines and dillon and mike and jen and laura and kailey arent on.
it makes me not want to be here. like just the memories of how easily i could talk to these people i barely knew and be able to be myself and do weird things with perfect strangers that were about to become really great friends. it makes me sad that here i can barely bring myself to say hi to strangers and just be friendly. like i just feel so judged here. everything i do matters. like of course im making friends. but barely. it doesnt really count when the two girls im closest to went to the same high school as me. and the other two are a neighbor and a roommate. i hate not feeling good enough. and i dont like when i talk to my home friends- which ive been trying to do on a regular basis because i want to put in the effort- and no one has anything to say except hows college over and over and i just want to hear all their stories and share mine. they werent kidding when they said itd be like two separate lives. i dont like how im never on here either. and the 80 percent of the time my computers on tumblr is up and im still not writing. i never wrote a single thing worth reading this summer. and i feel awful. because i hate to forget this summer. it was the best summer of my life. and i know i just have to get past these things and get used to them because this is my life now but im loving it here and at the same time i feel like crap.
and i would choose tonight to go back to my normal habit of not sleeping. i had been so good since the cruise.